"Where there is feeling that is not requited," said Hodge, "there is an imbalance of power. It is an imbalance that is easy to exploit, but it is not a wise course. Where there is love, there is often also hate. They can exist side by side."

"Simon doesn't hate me."

"He might grow to, over time, if he felt you were using him." Hodge held up a hand. "I know you do not intend to, and in some cases necessity trumps nicety of feeling. But the situation has put me in mind of another. Do you still have that photograph I gave you?"

Clary shook her head. "Not on me. It's back in my room. I could go get it---"

"No." Hodge stroked Hugo's ebony feathers. "When your mother was young, she had a best friend, just as you have Simon. They were as close as siblings. In fact, they were often mistaken for brother and sister. As they grew older, it became clear to everyone around them that he was in love with her, but she never saw it. She always called him 'friend'."

Clary stared at Hodge. "Do you mean Luke?"

"Yes," said Hodge. "Lucian always thought he and Jocelyn would be together. When she met and loved Valentine, he could not bear it. After they were married, he left the Circle, disappeared---and let us all think that he was dead."

"He never said---never even hinted at anything like that," Clary said. "All these years, he could have asked her---"

"He knew what the answer would be," said Hodge, looking past her toward the rain-spattered skylight. "Lucian was never the sort of man who would have deluded himself. No, he contented himself with being near her---assuming, perhaps, that over time her feelings might change."

"But if he loved her, why did he tell those men that he didn't care what happened to her? Why did he refuse to let them tell him where she was?"

"As I said before, where there is love, there is also hatred," said Hodge. "She hurt him badly all those years ago. She turned her back on him. And yet he has played her faithful lapdog ever since, never remonstrating, never accusing, never confronting her with his feelings. Perhaps he saw an opportunity to turn the tables. To hurt her as he'd been hurt."

"Luke wouldn't do that." But Clary was remembering his icy tone as he told her not to ask him for favors. She saw the hard look in his eyes as he faced Valentine's men. That wasn't the Luke she'd known, the Luke she'd grown up with. That Luke would never have wanted to punish her mother for not loving him enough or in the right way. "But she did love him," Clary said, speaking aloud without realizing it. "It just wasn't the same way he loved her. Isn't that enough?"
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"Where there is feeling that is not requited," said Hodge, "there is an imbalance of power. It is an imbalance that is easy to exploit, but it is not a wise course. Where there is love, there is often also hate. They can exist side by side."

"Simon doesn't hate me."

"He might grow to, over time, if he felt you were using him." Hodge held up a hand. "I know you do not intend to, and in some cases necessity trumps nicety of feeling. But the situation has put me in mind of another. Do you still have that photograph I gave you?"

Clary shook her head. "Not on me. It's back in my room. I could go get it---"

"No." Hodge stroked Hugo's ebony feathers. "When your mother was young, she had a best friend, just as you have Simon. They were as close as siblings. In fact, they were often mistaken for brother and sister. As they grew older, it became clear to everyone around them that he was in love with her, but she never saw it. She always called him 'friend'."

Clary stared at Hodge. "Do you mean Luke?"

"Yes," said Hodge. "Lucian always thought he and Jocelyn would be together. When she met and loved Valentine, he could not bear it. After they were married, he left the Circle, disappeared---and let us all think that he was dead."

"He never said---never even hinted at anything like that," Clary said. "All these years, he could have asked her---"

"He knew what the answer would be," said Hodge, looking past her toward the rain-spattered skylight. "Lucian was never the sort of man who would have deluded himself. No, he contented himself with being near her---assuming, perhaps, that over time her feelings might change."

"But if he loved her, why did he tell those men that he didn't care what happened to her? Why did he refuse to let them tell him where she was?"

"As I said before, where there is love, there is also hatred," said Hodge. "She hurt him badly all those years ago. She turned her back on him. And yet he has played her faithful lapdog ever since, never remonstrating, never accusing, never confronting her with his feelings. Perhaps he saw an opportunity to turn the tables. To hurt her as he'd been hurt."

"Luke wouldn't do that." But Clary was remembering his icy tone as he told her not to ask him for favors. She saw the hard look in his eyes as he faced Valentine's men. That wasn't the Luke she'd known, the Luke she'd grown up with. That Luke would never have wanted to punish her mother for not loving him enough or in the right way. "But she did love him," Clary said, speaking aloud without realizing it. "It just wasn't the same way he loved her. Isn't that enough?"
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